There's been a lot in the news the past couple of months about physical suffering and its effect on the patient and the patients' friends and families. I'm not judging anyone, no one knows what anyone else is going through, but I am going to point out the gifts that my mother gave me through her suffering.
My mother suffered many physical ailments throughout her life. The last 25 years of her life were especially frustrating and painful with osteoporosis, arthritis, gastrointestinal and neurological issues. Some days were good, some not so good, and some down right awful.
The Thanksgiving that she was in the hospital, I learned that my twin sister & I could make a real Thanksgiving dinner complete with our Grandma's stuffing. And (because hospitals were way stricter then) I learned how to sneak things into hospitals.
The Christmas that she was in the hospital, I learned that I was strong enough to be her rock. I had faith enough for both of us when she was so angry and frustrated that she just couldn't find hers. And since she was the most faith-filled person I knew, I also learned that we all struggle and lose sight of the fact that God is always working for our good. And later I learned that following these struggles, we can come back to our faith stronger and surer than ever before.
During trails and tribulations, I learned it's OK to depend on people that you aren't used to depending on. And sometimes people will let you down but other times people will come through in ways you never dreamed possible.
I learned that even when so very many things just would not be found in her memory regardless of how hard she searched, the words to her beloved hymns were there and when the music started playing the words came out as strong and beautiful as ever.
I learned that being asked to help with standing then showers then dressing then eating is uncomfortable but for the person who has to ask, it's humiliating. But through that I learned compassion in a way that I never could have. I thought I was helping her but she was helping me become a gentler, more patient, more compassionate person. And I relearned that making the best of a situation can create laughter.
And I learned that difficult conversations are horrible to have but once you get past being uncomfortable, you have an experience and a connection that is better than ever. And I learned for both of us to have those wonderful moments, it takes a lot. And it's exhausting but it is so beyond worth it.
But mostly I learned that my mom was an incredibly strong woman and even though her suffering took all things earthly from her, she gained a peace that wasn't about this world. And through that suffering she gave me the gifts of greater patience, compassion, humility, faith and love. And for that I am grateful.
