Empty Nesting

"How's that empty nest?"  or "It's back to just the two of you again."  or any of a number of variations on that theme. Those are the comments we hear these days when we're out and we run into friends.  It's crazy how fast that parenting season of life went.  I saw a neighbor, whose son was a boyhood friend of my middle child, and chatted for a bit catching up on how everyone is doing.  We ended the conversation with her saying hard to believe that just like that 20 years are gone.  Yep.  It happens like that.  So fast.

But you know what?  Just like I wouldn't want to go back to middle school or high school or college, I wouldn't want to go back to parenting babies or toddlers or grade schoolers or high schoolers again.  I did love it but it was hard work.  There were hours and hours of driving, cooking, shopping, trying to divert a stubborn toddler's attention,  planning class parties, sitting in bleachers, anniversaries spent at 2 day swimming championships, birthdays spent at football games.  I wouldn't trade the experience but I wouldn't go back.  

How different it is volunteering for my parish when it doesn't involve a sports team or a class or anyone else in my family.  There's a new freedom that comes from only having to think of the two of us at dinner or in the grocery store.  I have some time now to spend on me and figuring out what this new chapter will hold for me.  I can spend time chatting with my husband or we can both just sit and read and drink a cup of tea.  I actually have time to think and I'm not so busy that I am just on autopilot getting through the day, week, month. 

It's fun spending time with these young adults that my children have become.  I smile when I get their texts.  Just as I always have, I am learning all sorts of things through them.  I get an inside look at their hopes and dreams and hurts and disappointments.  I love talking on the phone about everything and nothing.  I'm aware that often I am a study break and it probably feels less indulgent to call your mom than watch Netflicks.  But I'll take it, enjoy it, and treasure this new stage of life for us.  

And while I am enjoying the peace and quiet and some well earned "me time",  I'm thankful that they still want our input even if they don't always heed our advice.  And I am very thankful and probably happiest when every couple of months I have my busy, loud, food vanishing house back.  I love walking in the front hall and seeing a pile of shoes by the front door.  And I think I will always be sad when those breaks end and I wave good-bye to each child as they head back to their own life.  But hopefully, I've learned to just be present, to enjoy the unique blessings and lessons that each season of life offers.  And to look forward with anticipation and faith to the future.  

Continuing the Journey

Wow it's been over a month since I've posted!  The journey is ongoing and as with everything in life some days and weeks are better than others.  So here's a peek at what and how I'm doing.

December 26 was the day.  Remember this prescription was a class project and it was due the end of November and my daughter wouldn't be home until Christmas break.  That week before Christmas was busy so we decided to get started after Christmas.  My daughter gave me the paper to read.  The calculations didn't look any better when printed out in a neatly organized paper than they had when they were hand written in the lab.  Well, you can't argue facts and I knew what was there were facts so I may as well face the facts and see what I could do about it.  And besides the data that had been collected, I couldn't ignore the fact that I wasn't able to do what I wanted to be able to do.  So I read or skimmed through all the background information and then got to the actual plan.  My prescription to better physical wellness.

To accomplish my goals, which were converted to SMART goals, I would need to a two fold approach focusing on both cardio and strength training.  I would do three days a week on cardio and three days a week on strength.  Six days a week I spend between 45 minutes and an hour working out.  The workouts were designed to use equipment that we have here at home so I can't use the excuse that I can't get to the gym.  If I can walk down to the basement, I can do it.  It is amazing the number of distractions I can find in those few short steps!  Consistency is key but life gets in the way and more often than not, I get in my way.

The strength training right now is a basic total body workout.  My core was exceptionally weak so there is a focus on that but I am working arms and legs, too.  And getting a workout put together by someone who is truly educated is good because the workouts are balanced.  So that means if I work on my quads, then I work on my hamstrings.  Work on the biceps and work on the triceps.  My goals are not to look good but to function as well as possible.  I know that this plan will help me do that.  As a bonus, I will look better because a strong, healthy body looks better than an overweight, out of shape body or even a skinny fat body. 

I am happy to report that in the two months, I have made noticeable progress.  I am able to do more weight or more reps on each of the strength training exercises.  The speed and duration of my cardio workouts have both improved.  I am noticing that my clothing is fitting better and I have lost 14 pounds since that weigh in during the initial assessment.

Walking steps in not a problem anymore.  In fact, the other day I walked up a flight of steps carrying 2 toddlers and it was easy.   And when I genuflected on Sunday, my knee touched the floor and didn't hurt!! I'm pleased that I don't have to limit what I do based on whether or not it's going to hurt.   I am happy to start feeling more like myself.  That is really the encouragement that I needed.

I have a long way to go before I am actually in shape and healthy but I am so much closer than I was six months ago.  I continually need to refocus on eating healthy and not consume so many empty calories.  Gradually, this is improving and I am more aware everyday that this is within my control.  I need to schedule my workouts so that I don't run out of time during the day to get them in.  I need to constantly work on moving from being interested in being healthy and in shape to being committed to be healthy and in shape.  But each healthy choice I make moves me one step closer to my goals.

The Journey.... Getting the numbers

So I had my reality check and my motivation and had committed to my daughter to be her test subject for her exercise prescription class.  The thought of getting back into shape, really in shape was so exciting to me.   During the weeks between my first offer and when we were actually able to schedule my time in the lab, there were multiple conversations and my daughter was very clear about what was involved.

However, focusing on details isn't necessarily a strong point for me.  I see the big picture really well, I can visualize projects with the best of them but thinking through details is something I often gloss over while I'm making plans.  And as the date for my assessment approached, I realized that I had chosen to ignore a few details.  I am fairly certain that I chose to ignore these particular details because my "why?" for this project was so strong.  I wanted to be strong and independent for a very long time.  I didn't want to be a burden to my children.  Having a strong "why" is always important because it can get you through the parts of a journey that are uncomfortable or difficult and that was true for me in this situation.

To actually get myself into shape, I needed my daughter to do an exercise prescription for me.   In order for her to be able to determine the exercises that I would need to get started on this journey, I would need to undergo a complete physical assessment.   We found a date and time for that to happen.  I was committed and I told everyone, whether they wanted to know or not.  For the first time in decades I was looking forward to being in shape, not just losing weight, not just being able to run a 5K but actually being strong and fit and healthier than ever.

All this sounds good and it was.  But when I actually arrived and went with my daughter over to the lab, I could no longer ignore the reality of the situation.  In order to truly assess my fitness level there would be a weigh in, calibers, tape measures, and exercises and the lifting of weights and the results of everything would be recorded on paper.  UGH!!!! Measurements, weight, BMI are not things I EVER like to find out but to have my daughter find out and actually be the person to share this information with me was a very humbling thought.  And that is why I refused to think about it until it was actually happening.

The numbers-- BMI, weight, ratios-- were far worse than I had thought they would be and placed me at a relatively high risk for health issues.  When I had my latest blood work done for my annual physical, the results all came back in the normal or good range.  Now that I was getting these assessment results from this very professional and competent exercise science student I couldn't pretend anymore.  I had been dodging a bullet and I had to face the facts.  I was obese and weak and reached my max heart rate WAY too soon.  Looking at the results of the tests (some of which I couldn't even begin much less complete) and then thinking about my family health history, it was a very rude awakening.

If I didn't make changes and make them soon, I would be looking at a life filled with doctor appointments, prescriptions, tests, and constantly watching numbers.  Remaining independent would be a struggle and I would quickly become one of those very old 50 somethings who struggle to do every day activities. And I would have no one to blame but myself.  By turning a blind eye to my unhealthy habits and ignoring the things I could no longer do, I was essentially sentencing myself to a quality of life that would not allow me to live the dreams I have for my future.  If I had looked closely at what this assessment was going to entail and reveal to me, then I quite possibly would have chickened out.  I don't know if I would have been strong enough to go through with it.  Fortunately for me, I had committed to someone who means the world to me.  I had given myself no choice and for that I am truly grateful. Yes, the reality of both the assessment and my physical condition were very humbling and quite embarrassing. But by going through with it and getting these I have been given the gift of knowledge and truth and a way to change the course of my life. And for that I am very grateful.