Life's challenges bring growth

This morning when I opened Facebook the first thing that popped up was a memory from 4 years ago.  It was a picture of my middle child, oldest son, the summer after high school graduation.  I smiled as I looked at that sweet, happy 18 year old and thought about the journey our family has traveled since that picture was taken.

That day he had 3 living grandparents.  They were all living independently, driving, involved in various volunteer projects, going to church, meeting friends for lunch or dinner, going to plays.  We would need to call and be sure that they were going to be home if we wanted to come by to visit and if we invited them over, it was possible that they couldn't come because they already had plans.

As I write this post, only one grandparent is still here with us.  We never have to call to see if he's available because he lives in a memory care unit now.  He still has a smile that lights up his face when the kids come to visit but he needs to be awake and calm for us to see that.  It's a tough road to travel with a loved one and sadly, there are many families on similar roads.

But there are those who think that people shouldn't have to travel these types of journeys.  That there is no dignity in living like this.  From my perspective, I couldn't disagree more.  It's through times of challenge that we grow and become better.

A pianist doesn't improve by playing the same exact song, notes or chords.  The improvement comes through continually attempting more difficult pieces.  A pole vaulter doesn't reach new heights by staying with the same pole, exact same form or technique.

Isn't building character and ability the reason that we sign our kids up for piano, dance, swimming, karate?  Kids that participate in almost anything learn that just because you fail in the beginning, doesn't mean you will always fail.  Sometimes it all comes together and you get it.  But sometimes it never does all come together and you learn that isn't your activity.  And sometimes that hurts and that stinks but it's all part of life.  When we try and fail we learn and grow.  And when we have the opportunity to grow beyond our frustrations and failures, then we develop resilience.  And when we are resilient, we are stronger and better prepared for life.

The same is true when we are presented the opportunity to journey with a friend or family member who is suffering.  It's not pretty.  It can be sad or frustrating or scary. It could be a time of anger or frustration with God. Or it can be a time of growing closer to God and your loved one.  Our responses to the situation will be as numerous as the people in those situations.  And really way beyond that number because from day to day our individual responses can change.  And that's all OK because it's an exhausting, humbling, sometimes frightening journey.  Just like every other area of our lives, when we meet these challenges head on, we see growth.  A religious or spiritual person will likely find growth in the spiritual life when presented with the opportunity to accompany someone on this journey.  But I think anyone will find an increase in empathy and compassion.  These experiences can make you realize that being kind is a better option because you just never really know what someone else is going through. 

PBJ Again

This past weekend was a three day weekend for me, my husband, and our high school son.  We spent Friday catching up on some things (including this blog).  And I took a couple of hours to go to my dad's apartment and sit and chat.  This does not happen as often as I'd like so I wanted to take advantage of a day off work to spend some much needed time with him and give him his late birthday gift.  And my husband spent a couple hours with his parents as well on Friday.   All three 80-something parents were doing well.

Saturday the high schooler was busy all day with previous commitments.  The daughter was going on a school sponsored bus trip with one of her roommates.  My hubby and I were heading down to West Virginia to see the college football player's game thinking it would be an enjoyable day.  The parents and kids were all good.  The leaves along the way were beautiful.  We were bringing college son home for a couple days for fall break.   Life was good and we were ready to spend a relaxing day together.

And then I got a text.  Apparently a few hours after I left my dad, he started coughing and couldn't stop.  So early Saturday morning, my brother took Dad to the ER.  They were still running tests but the cough had subsided a bit. He seemed to be doing well, he was in the hospital where all his "ologists" are on staff: cardiologist, nephrologist, oncologist, etc.  And not much I could do at that point while I was traveling in the opposite direction.

So on we went, looking forward to a fun afternoon of football.  Then my husband's phone rang.  His sister. This was not going to be good.  His dad had hurt his leg and was in the ER.  They were still running tests to see what was wrong and what the game plan would be.  Again, nothing we could do at that point except tell her to keep in touch.

On we went, wanting updates but not really wanting to hear from any other relatives.  At this point I was beginning to worry about things happening in threes.

Really the rest of the day was blissfully uneventful and not much to write about.  EXCEPT our freshman son got in for two series and his team won!  He has worked really hard and loves football.  Seeing him so happy and doing what he loves makes us happy.    

Several days later  the college son is back to school after break and both dads are out of the hospital.  My dad is back at his apartment.  My father in law is in rehab getting physical therapy for his leg.  And once again life in the sandwich  is good, sometimes a bit too interesting but always good.